Last but certainly not least comes perfectionism. Success and failure are a package deal. That is hard for a perfectionist to accept. Expecting always to do things right or not doing them at all for fear of failing to do it up to certain standards. This can be anything from tasks/projects to avoiding intimate relationships. How many times have we ditched a whole workout routine because we missed a day or two? Or messed up on a diet and then we felt like we needed to start all over instead of just starting from where we were. If we cannot be perfect with the entire process, then it's the "throw the baby out with the bathwater" mentality. Enter self-sabotage. The perfect way out of whatever we are trying to avoid.
What we can do:
First, remember failure is only feedback. Perfectionism is a great opportunity to practice self-compassion. For every problem or obstacle, there is a solution. You have all the resources you need or have a way to obtain the resources. Be flexible in your approach, not your goal.
Second, set yourself up for success with positive reminders, affirmations, mantras, and journaling. Practice gratitude every day and find something positive in yourself and the situation. Plan something positive for yourself as a reward and positive reinforcement for a job well done, no matter how big or small.
Third, phone a friend. Get someone close to you to help hold you accountable. If you can't find anyone hire a coach. Holding clients accountable to meet the desired goal is what we love and live for. Having someone to help hold you accountable, help keep you on track, someone that can monitor your progress as well as give you that guidance, especially when you have a desired goal in mind, will give you a higher chance of achieving your desired outcome.
We all do it in some way, shape, or form, for whatever reason we can justify. The important lesson is to begin to recognize it, notice the patterns of when, where, how, and why. Begin breaking those cycles with small steps. Journal the patterns to keep track. Also, journal the wins and the challenges. What emotions come up for you? What did you do with those emotions? Where in your body are you storing them. Remember to pay attention to the story you are telling yourself and change the narrative if it keeps you stuck.
Growth and healing are not a destination, but a journey to enjoy.
Be in peace family.